One of the main reasons why we don’t follow our dreams is because we are afraid of what others might think.
We are scared of their judgement. If I do this, what would they think? What would they say?
And it hurts my heart to think that anyone out there is not living their life the way they want to live it, because of judgement.
What is judgement?
The definition of judgement is ‘the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions’, meaning coming to an opinion or conclusion. It is the process of sensing something and translating that to a conclusion what we think of it.
Straight forward judgement would be when you see a person you think, that’s a girl, she is my age and wears blue pants.
However our judgement has changed to interpret things, our brain makes shortcuts, so it doesn’t have to go over this every time. Which means that if for example one girl said no to coming to your party, you will think things like ‘nobody will want to come to my party’.
2 way street
This works like this in all our brains, which means that this judgement goes 2 ways. And what it basically comes down too is that we are taking conclusions based on existing information in our brains and previous experiences, not on the situation as it is. This creates the situation where you have already made an assumption about someone the moment you see them and vice versa. When in reality, the assumption you made could be the total opposite.
We hear it a lot, especially with girls, where we say ‘I thought you were such a bitch when I first met you’. This is because we base our conclusion, our total picture, on previous experience and existing information.
Turn the roles
For me this changed everything, because I realised we aren’t always doing this on purpose. It is the way our brain is trained to work to make our life easier. It’s the same way your brain remembers what a chair looks like and that you can sit on it. Or how a phone works and how to call someone. These are all experiences and actions that your brain remembers and shortcuts to so you can do them without having to actively think about them.
This happens with people too, instead of having to scan every person and have a 10 minute conversation to find out if they have the same hobbies, your brain creates a shortcut based on what it knows.
The change this realisation made for me was that I am kinder to others now. And more open. I want to show them who I am and what I am like, despite their pre-programmed conclusion.
Maybe this new girl at the gym met a girl in high school that was very mean to her. The mean girl had blonde hair, just like I do, so her brain tells her to stay away from me, assuming based on previous information that I am mean too.
I want to show this new girl that I am not like that and I am not effected by her decision to stay away.
Follow that dream
Looking at judgement from these 2 ways shows that anybody has reasons why they think and believe what they do. And it is up to you to make your own decisions based on your experience, your thinking and your believe.
So when you have a dream to do something, to go for it, and this feels good, DO IT.
Others might say that it’s a silly decision, which is based on previous experience and existing information.
Do what feels good for you and you won’t only surprise yourself, but you will give someone else a different piece of information that might change their judgement in the future. They might change their mind and say ‘but she did it too’.
And that it what I am all about. I want to inspire others, make them feel like they can do anything, ANYTHING.
Next time it feels like someone is judging you, think of this. Think of the fact it is purely their view of the world.
Remind yourself that you can make your own decision and that by doing so, you are also opening the other up to a different view of the world and who knows, they might change their perspective and come around.